


Just A Little Bit Stronger

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, depressed!Dean, maybe idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean feels he has a weak moment, and shares his thoughts with Cas, who comforts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just A Little Bit Stronger

**Author's Note:**

> Started out with the first couple of lines and then it got kind of Destiel. That happens too often.

"There are things that I never got to do, experiences that I missed out on. You know? There are... questions I wish I could ask, and then decide on my own. Walk away. Sometimes."

Castiel knows what Dean's talking about. This is one of the few things he's known all along that Dean's been thinking, but never before has he ever heard Dean speak of it. It feels like a privilege to listen, yet he still has to ask,

"What questions?"

Dean doesn't look at him. It might be, Cas reasons, because humans feel a sort of intimacy when they share eye contact - an intimacy Dean seems unable to take part in when his emotions are even somewhat exposed. He must be so afraid, Cas thinks, not sure why. He simply understands it.

"'Do I even want to know?'"

"What?", Cas asks.

"The question", Dean clarifies, "is 'do I even want to know'. People have asked me, asked Sam, and my dad, this for as long as I can remember. And sure, sometimes there's no other choice than telling them, but most of the time, they can choose. You know? It's like... 'do I want to be dragged into this new world of alternate crap', and it doesn't sound so good, does it? So they can just go..."

Dean's eyes look empty, sparkling a little when meeting the light of the bedside lamp in front of his face. "'I don't want to know'. And I can't do that, because I already know, every time."

Putting a careful hand on his shoulder, Cas smiles. "You know a lot of things, Dean. And knowledge is the key to everything."

For a moment, Dean lets his glance slide over to Cas, but it's brief, and afterwards he shakes Cas' hand off him.

"But I'm not smart like that, like Sam."

"Sam is a collector, a researcher. You have knowledge and experience, and it's all you need. You're a soldier, Dean." Cas puts his hand back on Dean's shoulder and squeezes lightly. "Just like me."

At first, it seems like Dean's about to pull away again, maybe pretend like the conversation never happened like he does so often. But he does neither of these things. Instead, he leans over and places a light, quick kiss on Cas' lips.

"Thanks", he says, "for making me feel better. And... stronger, I guess."

"Thanks yourself." Cas puts a hand around Dean's neck and pulls him in for a longer, harder, nearly numbing kiss. When they part - but only slightly - he adds, "for being so strong already that you could tell me this."

He can taste the sarcastic comment on Dean's breath, the one that's going to break this moment for the both of them, the inevitable pretend emotion that Cas knows that Dean hates but still uses compulsively.

So before it gets out, Cas kisses him again. And again. And again. And after the fifth kiss, he thinks he can taste tears, and feel a hard grip on his arms, and the kisses are more numbing than ever.

"Dean...?", he asks, only getting one sound at a time out between the long, eager kisses. "You okay?"

Dean just nods, eyes shut, and even if Cas can see and taste and feel against his cheeks that he's crying, it's silently and it's not a cry for help, it's not for feeling sad.

It's just hard, is all, and Dean's been very strong.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know.


End file.
